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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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So, I’m finally makin’ my way to the job site. I’m thinkin’ it’s gonna be a chill day. But nah, life had other plans. I pull up to this construction site on the corner of Halsey St. and I see a bunch of blokes lookin’ all stressed. Turns out, they’re short on hands. “Hey mate, can ya help us out?” they ask. I’m like, “Sure, why not?”

Cold case the downfall of 'Magic Mike'